Don't be fooled by the locks that I got.

Yesterday I was told that I have and I quote: "Perfect News Anchor-Man Hair". I'm not exactly sure if that's a compliment or not considering that most of the anchor men on the Lake Charles local channel are wearing hairpieces. Oh..and I guess that's it.

Update on Comments:

Has any0ne else noticed tha I've been bitching constantly about never getting any damn comments on this site? Well it turns out, I have been. Blogger decided to like hold them hostage so that it could "moderate them" or something. So anyways, thanks for all the comments y'all. Sorry.

The Best and Worst

I guess this is an after New Years kind of post, but I know that if I put it off 'till then, it will never ever be written. For I am a selfish bitch when it comes to my own time. Sorry, really I am to subject all of you to this so early, but here it goes:

The Best and Worst of 2005

The Best Day of The Year: I know it's kind of hard to pinpoint one excellent day out of three hundred and sixty five mediocre ones, but I'm going to try anyways. I'd have to say that July Sixteenth was a particularly good one. If I remember correctly I spent my whole day making money, and then purchasing "Harry Potter: And The Half Blood Prince" at midnight. I'm sure there were better days, but this one just stands out, and I can actually pin a date on it.

Interesting/Horrible fact: Dumbledore totally dies in this book.

The Worst Day of The Year: For me this year, the worst day deffinitely has to be June the fourteenth. Only about two weeks after my birthday. This was the day that my Grandmother died, and I'm still having a hard time coping. I know that's so melodramatic to say, and at least it wasn't like my Mom or Dad or something but still. I really am incapable of coming to terms with leaving people behind, or saying goodbye. It really is not my strong suit, at all.

Interesting/Sad fact: The Song "My Way" by Frank Sinatra was played at the funeral. And to this day, all you have to do is play this song and suddenlyI'm a raging ball of emotions.

The Most Mediocre Day of The Year: Absolutely has to be this one. It started with absolutely no breakfast, two finals, and finally throwing up spectacularly in my car. It was totally horrible, I even had vomit in my hair. Oh, God...I think I'm getting sick again just thinking about it.

Interesting/Funny fact: I called in sick to work today, and might have a wild night of debauchery anyways.

The Best Moment of The Year: The creation of the Syrup. Enough said.

Interesting/Stupid fact: It happened at IHop.

The Worst Moment of The Year: A few hours ago, when I realized there was vomit in my hair. Ew.

Interesting/Disgusting fact: It was so gross. And my car smells like cheetos now. Not that I would know, I've just been told.

The Best Book I Have Read This Year: It's a three way tie between: "Harry Potter: And The Half Blood Prince" by: Judith Katherine Rowling; (See: Above), "Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl" by: Anne Frank, and "Star" by: Pamela Anderson. It's really a toss-up folks.

Interesting/Sickening Facts: I have so far reread "Harry Potter: And The Half Blood Prince" approximately twelve times. Also, a good friend told me that I was "sex-obsessed" because I bought "Star". More on that in a later post though.

The Worst Book I Have Read This Year: I'm not exactly sure of the title, or the author; but none of that is really that important anyhow. All that I remember about it is that I read it while on my evacuation "vacation", and it was about a woman journalist whose mom almost died. She then lied to the father she had never known, pretends that she's writing a book about him; and then somehow inexplicably has sex with her own half brother. Disgusting, Disgusting (Try to catch the in-joke there).

Interesting/Horrible Fact: The period of time in which I read this book was the fucking worst time of my life. That is all all on that though.

The Absolute Best Album Released This Year: I would say "Britney Spears Greatest Hits: My Prerogative" but that is not techincally true since it was released last Novemeber. I'd probably have to say "Mariah Carey: The Emancipation of MiMi" or "The Black Eyed Peas: Monkey Business".

Interesting/Illegal fact: I didn't even buy "The Black Eyed Peas: Monkey Business", I downloaded it.

The Absolute Worst Album Released This Year: This total heineous cd I saw by someone named "Lorenzo Owens", because every time I see it I'm reminded of that horrible movie "Lorenzo's Oil" I was forced to watch in tenth grade Biology, and how the main actor repeatedly through himself down stairs to show emotion.

Interesting/Stupid fact: That Lorenzo Owens cd? Yeah I deffinitely hid it behind a Britney one so no one could buy it. Not that anyone would want to, but still.

..There may be more, I haven't decided.

Him: And I saw that bitch ******* (name edited to protect the Irish), and she was all "Hey Son! Aren't you glad to see me?"
Him: And I was all like yes *******, you're like the sperm in my penis. And that is why I masturbate every day to get rid of you.

Just A Short Memo:

To the guy in the blue car who honked his horn twice and then proceeded to flick me off today in the Starbucks parking lot: Don't think for a moment that I didn't memorize your lisence plate number and am currently trying to get your charged for child molestation.

Feliz Navidad To You Too, Bucko.

Did I mention to you that I'm a server? Well, a waiter. Not that I wait on people that much, most of the people I know are quite punctual, except for Son Tran, but that is another story all together. Anyways the other day I was serving right? And I got this table, and of course because God thinks that my life should be as much like a bad sitcom has humanly possible I got the only table that doesn't speak a word of English. Now I'm not saying that I have anything against all non English speaking people or anything, because I totally don't. Anyways long story short I ended up having to play a great long game of mime with him to figure out what it was that he actually wanted, I also played a small game of pictionary where I pointed at a drawing of a burger, and inquired the toppings that he wanted on his sandwich. The entire time this exchange was going on, in my head I could hear myself saying "Jordan, you better be nice to him because somewhere in his jacket he's totally hiding a camera to show the complete and utter injustices that non-English speaking people are faced with daily, and you will be in the center of a national debate on Entertainment Tonight if you are rude to him."

So, I was nice as possible. I really am quite a nice person actually when I want to be. You should get to know me, I'm quite amazing really. Anyways, he finally was able to kind of sort of order, and I later gave him his food. Not too long after he finished eating his chicken sandwich and his double chocolate shake I brought him the bill, hoping beyond hope that he at least new American currency. Which he thankfully did. He gave me exact change, and here is the meat of my story. The bastard didn't tip! Did I not just spend fifteen minutes expressedly trying to understand you? I mean come on, it's not like you're the easiest table I've ever had or anything. I mean, come on you're in America now. And in America it's fifteen percent or get the fuck out of the restaurant.

Or at least that's how it is in my America.

Just Call Him ED

Him: " So, she has to do that whole Scarlet Letter project for English, right? The one where you have to think of a sin that you committed, and then wear the letter all around the school for a week?"
Me: "Yeah?"
Him: "Well, she was asking me what she should do..."
Me: "Well, what did you tell her?"
Him: "I told her she should use Erectile Dysfunction."
Me: "Uhh..."
Him: "But then she said that Fierro said it couldn't be anything sexual"
Me: "Well Erectile Dysfunction is about as far from being sexual as it could possibly be."

Sunday Morning

It's Sunday. I love Sunday's, and for completely unreligious reasons. I mean don't get me wrong I like church as much as the not loving catholic church kind of guy, it's just Sunday has so much more to offer. For instance the very best thing to do on a boring Sunday afternoon, is look back on the week that is coming to a close. This week I did a lot of really awesome things that could either get me A) incarcerated, B) in trouble with my parents, or C) a Nobel peace prize. For example I went to no less than two porn stores this week, with best Asian friend. I'm not so much on porn, the accessories are what I go for to look at. Did you know there's a forty pound purple vibrator called "The Great American Challenge?", let me drive that home for you forty pounds is like the size of my dog "Buddy". That's like sticking an entire fully grown sheltie into your vagina. All beastiality references aside, I'd just like to say that the world is a much better place for things such as this "Challenge" existing. Trust me on this one. I did other outlandish things as well, that I won't bother to write because no one comments on this damn thing anyway.

You never know

One day when you decide that finally after all of your scattered thoughts, and sighs; you'll finally know exactly how you feel about something or someone. One day everything as you know it will change and there you'll be sighing and thinking, and wondering what to do all over again. One day you won't be able to make up your mind.