No thanks.

The next time I get a pop-up ad for a dating service, or sexy singles, or over thirty somethings looking for love, or must I say it: porn, I am seriously going to have a conniption. If I wanted to date someone, I would. If I was thirty years old and still single, I probably would have killed myself by now anyways. And if I wanted to see someone's naked flapping penis next to someone elses thirty something year old vagina, I would just go to my uncle's house. So really "TrueMatch.com" and "SexyBabies4U.net", thanks for the sentiment; but no fucking thank you.

Class rules.

Tomorrow is my first day of classes for this semester. I am making a running check list of things that I will, and will not do this semester.

I will not skip. Good students go to class daily, and so will I.

I will not send text messages in class. Although I will read them if they are sent to me, because if I didn't that would just be downright rude.

I will not listen to ipod during class time. I will remember to turn ipod on hold, so that one good Hilary Duff song that I have on my ipod does not begin playing in the middle of class. This has happened before, do not let it happen again.

I will make it a habit not to get up and leave in the middle of class for a smoke/snack/phone call, moment. I just won't. And if I do, I at least will have the decency to come back to class when I am done.

I will also make a habit to sit far away from the door so that I do not have the urge to leave in the middle of class time, through it. Reasoning behind this is that, I would hate to make a lot of noise as to distract the class or notify the professor to my departure, being far away from the door makes this a lot harder to do.

I will not dance or sing in the elevators. You remember what happened last time you did that, and that semi attractive girl walked up to the opening elevator door, mid ass-shake. You remember how mortified you were.

Sing it.

Isn't it scary how the things that we used to revel in, now are the things we shy from? Isn't it odd how there used to be some things or some people you felt so safe with, and now you could actually run in pure emotional terror from just their memory? Well, you're preaching to the choir.

A moment.

All I have to say today is that sometimes the things in your life that you don't want, are the things you need the most. Sometimes life just has a way of letting good things happen to you. Today, I think I'm ready to start letting those good things happen to me.


Next week is my week, afterall.

Once

I once knew a woman in her forties. She had tightly permed red tinged hair, and a quivering chin with a nice smile. Her eyes lit up the world behind her glasses, and her clothing choices always looked comfortable. She used to pick me up for school in the morning, and sang LeeAnn Rhimes songs to me. I once spent the night at her house and we stayed up all night watching television and making Power Rangers cut and bake cookies. She used to make Sheppard's Pie, and cakes. Whenver I sat down next to her, she would always play with earlobes between her fingers. She had a loud laugh, and a brighter smile. She used to make me smile. She was my mother's best friend, and my father's favorite sister. She was my Godmother too. She used the word "fricking" in every possible sentence she could. On New Years Eve when I was in the seventh grade she died after a long battle with colon cancer. Her name was Georgia. And sometimes when that old Ray Price song comes on, I get a little bit sentimental. I think of her red hair, and her glasses, and her voice, and her humor. I think of what it meant to know her, and what it still means to have to say goodbye to her. She once told my dad that the worst thing about dying would be that she wouldn't get to see me and my sister grow up. I hope that I'm making her proud. I really love her.

I once knew a woman in her seventies. She had white frosted hair, but bleached it often. She was always dripping in gold, and diamonds. Excess was her one rule. If she wanted something, she had to have it, in every color and every size imaginable. She was generous and loving. She was unconditional in both. She didn't care about what you wanted, it didn't matter the cost, or the means to be able to get it, she always got it. She would go out of her way to do anything for anyone. She was relentlessly spending, and loving. When I was younger I used to sit on the floor besides her chair in her living room, and she would run her hands through my hair, and tell me how much she loved me. With her, I never had to guess about anything. She was blunt, and honest, and wonderful. I loved every little thing about her. She was my great grandmother, but a mother to my own mother. She lost her daughter last October, and after that she just gave up. She was so stricken with grief and sadness she no longer wished to go on. She died in July. I will always remember the little lessons she taught me about being polite, and proper, and how to tell the carat weight of a diamond. I really love her.

I once knew a boy who was about ten years old. He was my cousin, but moreso he was my friend. He had diabetes but nothing slowed him down. He had short brown hair and big wire rimmed glasses. When he died, I was only seven. My parents told me that the night of the funeral I asked them when he was coming back. I asked them if he'd be able to come over the house again. That story still makes me want to cry. It's been a very long time since he died but sometimes it's like he's never left. Sometimes when I look at his picture, I see him in myself. He drowned at a friends birthday party, while no one was paying attention. It was pointless and horrible. When I was in the seventh grade I stumbled upon the boy who's party he was at in the first place. He didn't even seem sorry. And even though he'd be about twenty two years old now, I will always think of him as that ten year old that I went to go see Batman with. Always. I really love him.

Twinned.

Have you ever heard of that crazy siamese twin that think she's Reba Mcentire? It's totally true. She's a thirty something year old siamese twin, and her one and only dream (besides the obvious one of not being a siamese twin for the rest of her life), is to be Reba Mcentire. So she changed her name to match her idol's and put's on really bad karaoke shows, where she sings Reba songs out of tune, and out of key. She covers her twin with a blanket so as to act like she's alone on stage. What you've never heard of her?


I should totally tell you about it sometime.

Hallmark Haiku Sendoffs

Just a short bitter, angry, haikus to my personals.

To best friend:

Thanks for moving away
I now know what it means to
make my own decisions

To best gay friend:

Thanks for getting me
asked not to return to
Labeurge De Lac Casino

To best friend who happens to be female, but I sometimes forget that she is:

Thanks for sitting there
not acting when you should, it's
staring you in the face

To former best friend:

Thanks for forgetting
that I ever exsisted
means the world to me

To my exes (Believe it or not there are more than one):

It wasn't your messed
up teeth or your bad hair it
was just your personality

Speak Your Mind Out Loud

Me: What are you doing?
Him: I'm speaking in my native language.
Me: And what would that be?
Him: Satanism.
Me: I thought you were Vietnameese?

I resolve.

I have decided this year I will not make pointless New Year's resolutions that I will never stick to such as: losing weight, or to stop cussing so damn much. I know I will never do these things, so instead this year I am only going to wish for attainable things to befall me. And they are as follows:

To eat more cookie cake.
To listen to more Carrie Underwood.
To obtain a Tivo.
To watch more T.V. (I.E. American Idol)
To smoke less.
To cuss more.
To fall deeply, utterly in love, head over heels, even if the person who has all of my affections doesn't return them.
To pop less fireworks at Labeurge De Lac Hotel and Casino, because I am no longer welcome there. Oops.