Full of Grace

I'll admit it, I had my doubts. Yes even the most devoted believers, sometimes have their doubts; all this proves is that sometimes you just have to have faith in a higher being. Sometimes you just have to know that there's something bigger, and greater than you or anyone you know, or anyone you know, happens to know; could ever possibly hope to be. Now, I am again completely devoted again after having heard the brand new Britney Spears single entitled "Gimme More". After having downloaded it, and listened to it repeatedly you will also have joined the Church of Britney. If you weren't already a follower, or had somehow strayed in your beliefs; have no fear. Britney is a merciless being and will grant you forgiveness as long as you promise to say your "Hail Britney's" as penance.

My Rose of San Antonio

San Antonio, Texas; sometimes it feels like I spent a better half of my life there. In reality it was more like a couple weeks a year. Every summer, and Easter, and some Thanksgivings, and holidays, and weddings were spent in San Antonio. I feel like some of my greatest childhood memories stem from that place, on Tropical Drive.

It's old stone front, and the once majestic looking cement lions guarding the front door. The pink room with it's plush couches, and fur throw blankets. I remember being in that room, on that couch with that fur throw blanket thrown over myself at the age of seven or eight. And I remember as I closed my eyes, to take a nap, I was smiling. And as I was listening to the adults talk around me, I remember trying to pretend like I was asleep, all the while still smiling. And I remember hearing her say "Look at him, what could be better than a child who smiles when he's sleeping?" And I just remember thinking that no matter what happened in my life; I would always have San Antonio. I would always have a safe haven to return to. I would always have a chance to be happy. I would always have her in my life. But, I was seven or eight then, not yet smart enough to know better.

My safe haven ended two years ago, and I haven't been back since. I've had chances, and opportunities, but I've turned them down. I wasn't ready to go back, in fact I'm still not ready to go back. I want to remember what was, and not what is. I don't want to be disappointed that she's not there. I mean I know she's not there, but I just don't want to be disappointed about it again. I don't want to feel safe again, and I don't want to feel like I'll always have San Antonio. Because the truth is, I might not be, and I probably won't. And that might be cynical, but it's the truth. I'm not a child anymore and I don't want to confuse myself with delusions that won't come true. So I've never gone back, because I said I never would.

If you know me at all, you'll realize that I'm usually wrong about these things. I'll be leaving for San Antonio on Friday. And I will probably be disappointed that she's not there, and I'll probably feel like there is no safe haven for me. But I could be wrong about the last part....I might always have San Antonio after all.

Miles to go before I sleep

Sometimes all it takes is a conversation with a great friend, to let you know that yes; you've come so far, but you still have so far to go.

Keeping this untitled

You won't know who this is about, but you're not supposed to. To be honest I'm not even sure who it's about. All I know is the summer sun is setting, and the flag is at half mast. I'm loosing something that was never really mine, but just borrowed for some time. I'm missing out, and falling away. And it's your fault.

Alone all fucking weekend

Usually I hate being alone. I have social withdraws and end up hanging out with people I really don't like. But this weekend the family is gone, and it's heaven. I can walk around the house naked! (Not that I would, but it's nice to know the option is available.) I can make sugar cookies at midnight! (Okay, I actually did this one tonight, and they were wonderful.) I can watch three Chuck Norris movies in a row! (This one was hysterical.) I can drink an entire twelve pack of mountain dew! (And my soon to be bladder infection thanks me kindly.)

Go Now, Please.

OK, If you don't "do" musicals then I guess you probably won't get this...but let me tell you that if you do get musicals you absolutely must see "HairSpray" the music is amazing, the acting is wonderful, and the story is powerful and fun. I absolutely loved it.

I don't get excited about movies...so you know this one is worth it. Go see it now.