The People I See

She comes in every other day or so to buy cigarettes. She has thick curly auburn hair, that is slowly graying at the ends. She wears tattered and neglected clothing, and large spectacles that she wears around her neck on a golden chain. She always gets the same thing, and she always says the same thing. She always sighs loudly as soon as she puts her bag down on the counter and accepts the cigarettes. She looks sad, I ask how she's doing. She always says that her husband and son died recently only a week apart. She says she's finding it to be hard to thing to cope with. I always say I'm sorry to hear that, and she always pats my hand where it's laying on the counter, and says "thank you, baby" and then she leaves. And I don't see her for a few days, and the script is the same. It's always the same. I find myself wondering what it is that she does in between buying cigarettes at my store. Does she sit at home, lighting up, inhaling and thinking of the past? Does she watch the television, and with every face she sees recognizes the features from her departed family? Does she wake up in the morning wondering how she's going to make it through one more day? I don't know any of these things. All I know is that she smokes Misty Ultra Light 100's and as many as she can get. I just hope they make her feel better.

He's shorter with darker skin, and a shuffling gait about him. He comes in every single day, sometimes more than once. Sometimes more than twice. He smells strongly of booze and stale smoke (or so I've heard, I really would have no idea). He sexually harasses every single woman who passes him by. He talks long windedly about his son, and his business. Neither of which I care very much about. But he always says these things, and I always feign interest. He somehow always manage to bring up God. I smile weakly, and hope that he'll leave soon. He always calls me Bub. I'm not sure why. He once picked a discarded pair of thong underwear that someone for some reason discarded in the parking lot. He held them to close to my face, asking me to do something with them. Not wanting to touch them, I held up the trash can underneath them and let him drop them into the waste. He says "Thanks Bub, I didn't know what I was going to do with those" and then leaves. I don't know why he felt that the needed to anything about the discarded pair. Provably the same reason he feels the need to talk about his children with me. I for one will probably never know.

I find it so weird that people like this can walk in and out of your lives ddaily. No backstory, no subtle foreshadowing, no futher information. All I know about their lives is what happens inside the walls of the establishment. I will never know how well she sleeps, or how much booze he downs. I will never know, mabye I don't even care to know. But oddly enough, I think I do care for them. Even if only slightly. I always kind of feel that we care too much about ourselves, and our friends, and our family. Never enough about strangers. About those people who walk in and out of our lives so quickly. I know I care, because I've always thought about them. I've always tried to see things in their perspectives. I've always wondered what it would be like to be one of them. i have always wondered, but I guess I'll never know. Because I'm myself, and no one else. There is no mystery in myself. I know everything already. And that is a shame.

Then and Now

Last Week
Number of cigarettes smoked: 1,000,000 (feels like)
Number of bottles of Alchool purchased for someone else: 2
Number of dollars spent at "Books and Things": $28
Number of dollars almost spent at "Books and Things": $48 (I didn't look at any prices)
Number of times accidentally stumbled upon Hannah Montana songs on the radio: 30,000
Number of times actually found myself kind of liking Hannah Montana songs accidentally found on the radio: at least four
Number of hours spent at police station: 1 and a 1/2
Number of times gone to Sulphur: twice
Number of minutes spent fantasizing about Reba McEntire and Kelly Clarkson concert this weekend: TOO FUCKING MANY
Number of times meant to buy batteries for camera: 12
Number of Batteries actually purchased: 0

This Week;
I will try to cut back on the smoking, really. My lungs will thank me I'm sure.
Try to write more.
Finish reading the books I bought before I got and buy some more. I'm bad about that. Never finishing what I started.
Try to not like Hannah Montana, at least a little bit.
Will more than likely cry tears of joy when Reba McEntire sings "You Lie", or "Whoevers in New England"
Try not to make fat jokes about Kelly Clarkson at the concert.

Fuck Food Seriously

Sometimes I cook, you may be surprised to learn. You know easy things like pastas and roasted chickens and such. Sometimes I bake cookies, and cakes and such. It's fun. It's invigorating, I even once made a turtle cheesecake. It was delicious. So today when my father was all "I really want to try to make a chocolate souffle" I was all "Hey! I'll do it, I can totally do it!" So I looked up this recipe from the Food Network's website. This didn't look hard. Sure it said you had to be an 'intermediate' cook to fulfill the task but hey I'm twenty one years old! I can make more than a paltry ramen noodle cup! I can totally do this! Well let me just tell you; I can totally NOT do this. It is so unfunny how much I can't do this that you can't even begin to relate. So fuck you FoodNetwork for labeling your recipes "intermediate" when they should be labeled "DON'T FUCKING TRY THIS IF YOU ACTUALLY WANT THAT SHIT TO BE EDIBLE" Because trust me, it was NOT edible. So yes food network fuck you. Fuck you Rachel Ray, and Emeril Lagasse, Fuck you too Paula Deen. But not you Giada Delaurentous (or however you spell her god damned name) there is a special place in my heart for you Giada.

Also, I would have updated Daily Photos tonight, but my batteries for my camera are buck. I was going to detail a sordid sexual scandal (ALLITERATION!) on the secret lives of chocolate flavored Teddy Grams but it just wasn't in the cards I guess.

Also, has anyone noticed how my blog has had like nine food mentions in the past week? This must mean I'm getting fat again. God damn it.

Hot Shit Right Hurr

Just as a quick update, and not a full on out and out explanation of the hottest shit of the month I would like to tell you about two amazing things.

First of all, go buy or download, or steal, "Futurama: Bender's Big Score". It's amazing, and I'm not really one for cartoons, or movies. But it's the only cartoon I've ever seen that can make me laugh hysterically and then make me want to cry the next. It's some emotional shit y'all.


Also download the track "I'll Still Be Loving You" by Reba Mcentire. It's a cover of a song by a band I can't remember the name of but it's an amazing rendition. Or you can buy the EP entitled "Love Revival" at Hallmark I think.

Enjoy this shit y'all.

Delicious

I know you all are so used to fancy headers done in photoshop but as I have a new computer and no access to photoshop as of right now I resorted to making the newest header in Paint. I know, how ghetto this is I fully realize that. But, I was fucking tired of that old one. So, this is what you get bitches.

Also as a sidenote in the past twenty four hours I have eaten an entire pound of cherry flavored pull and peel Twizzlers. Someone stop me.

Hot Shit of the Month Janurary 2008

It's that time of the month again bitches, time for me to list my favorite things and for all of you to clamor for them like Britney for her children...and pharmaceutical medications. I was asked to list some of my favorite movies and such by a friend so I'll start off with that.

First of all the must see show as of right now for me is deffinitely Ugly Betty.



At first I thought that this show like so many others was the same old story of "let's take a beautiful girl in real life (in this case America Ferrara) and make her appear to be ugly, and then place her in a fish out of water scenario and watch the hilarity ensue!" But it's actually so much more than that, I mean sure it is that, but there's more beneath the surface. It's sweet, and funny, and an over the top soap opera. It includes a in depth look into the world of fashion, and even a transsexual. So, you know it's good. You should either buy it at your local DVD retailler, or you should just watch it here for free at Online TV Dramas. I'm not saying that I'm advocating this blatant visual theft of the show...or the WGA but still it's worth it. Trust me on this one, it's a winner.







Also, a show I wasn't expecting to like but actually have come to almost enjoy is the CW's "Gossip Girl". I know that it's a pretty gay thing to admit, but I was curious. I had a read a few of the books that my sister had left lying around the house (as I am likely to read almost anything with pages that lies around the house for any amount of time), and I was pleasently surprised with the books as well as the show. This show is the basic rehash of a whole lot of really attractive young people at the same school, having sex, and lying about it to eachother. But also there's some pretty good drama and comedy in the midst too. All around a pretty decent way to waste a Thursday night.

As far as movies go I just recently saw "Juno" (Which I had originally posted the movie poster of, but it's fucked up the formating) with abformentioned friend and although I wasn't terribly disapointed, I wasn't enthralled either. I would say that if you're into quiry comedies about real life situations then this movie might be for you. It actually had a bit too much Jennifer Garner for my tastes, but then again even movies without Jennifer Garner in them have a bit too much Jennifer Garner for my tastes. Now I wouldn't say that the movie felt like the performers were acting on a "high wire" like the movie poster states but whatever. Allison Janey is in this as the dog loving step mother, and she is amazing so it's worth seeing just for her.



As for a list of movies I just love as of recently old ones included this list would go as such:

"Saved" starring Mandy Moore
"The First Wives Club" starring a lot of amazing people
"Harry Potter and the Order of the Pheonix" okay, I have to admit this movie is actually really boring, but it's Harry Potter so it's a good value.

As far as music goes, I have recently gotten a new computer and although this is amazing I have lost all of my music. Seriously, all of it. So my music is pretty limited to what I hear on the radio as of right now. Although for a few classics you should try out:

"Queen Killer" by Queen
"Do Right Woman - Do Right Man" Aretha Franklin
"Would it be Nice?" - The Beach Boys



And for a sweet song from a guy I've never listened to before try "With You" by Chris Brown. And although it shares it's title with a Jessica Simpson song, don't hate on it yet it's actually a good value.


Well, okay bitches thats it for this month. Watch, listen, and enjoy.

The Missing Piece

I lived my childhood like every hairbrush, and remote control was a microphone. Like every flat surface was a stage hoping that one day I too would be under the bright lights and heavy stares.

I lived my teenage years like energy was going out of style. I was always the loudest, and the most excited. Like every day was a new possibility and hoping that one day that someone would see me for who I really was and not just their preconcieved notions of me.

Now, I live my life like I'm afraid of something, like I'm afraid of everything. Like any minute life as I know it will change again. Like any minute now something horrible is going to befall me, and I won't know how to handle it. I don't have the dreams I once had, and I don't have the energy I once possessed. Sometimes I feel like I'm only half of my former self. LIke I'm the circle in "The Missing Piece" (by Shel Silverstein) Like I'm rolling around life without a purpose or a meaning, just searching for that part of my life that I'm not sure how I lost, or if I'll ever find again, just hoping that someday I will.

FUCK SHIT GODDAMN

I would just also like to add that in case none of you were aware "Postarita" is actually considered an "offensive" site under Windows Vista Parental Conrtols. I'm assuming that the words "bitch" and "fuck" are not child friendly according to Microsoft?

On why I love the night

You might notice that this post is coming awfully late. Sometimes I lie awake in bed at night wondering why I waste so much time sleeping. Why, any of us waste so much sleeping actually. Sure it's good to let our mind, and body rest but what about all that we are missing in the process. I used to think that night had not much to offer to me. The day is so bright and full of people and possibilites. But eventually I came to appreciate the quietness of the night. It's the one time of day when I'm not trying to make up, or suck up, or catch up. It's the one time of day when I can step outside and really hear the silence. I used to fear that silence as I think most do. When you're alone all you worry about is not having someone to be there with you at night. That used to be my biggest fear, growing up and having no one to spend my nights with. Now I think I've come to terms with the fact that if this is what happens, I might just be alright with it. The night doesn't judge me like the harsh light of the day. No one is awake to see your flaws in the dark of night, are they? And if they are, they surely aren't near enough to see mine. I'm just fine with the night, I'm fine with the way the leaves rustle so loudly in the wind with no one to hear them. I'm fine with the way the clouds drift slowly over the moon. And mostly, I'm fine with the moon. Letting me know that even in the blackest time of the night there is still someone out there shining on me. Letting me see clearly through the dark haze. And tonight the moon was brighter than I've ever seen it.

Off Hiatus

Remember how much you loved seeing that post about me being on hiatus? Remember reading it and thinking, "Wow, I can't wait till we get another post saying that he's no longer on hiatus!" Well, this is that post. Rejoice ye merry gentlemen and shit.

Also, I just got a wonderful new computer, and am hoping to surprise all you four bitches that read this with a wonderful new layout, and maybe something else.

Stay tuned.

Hiatus

Since I have no operable computer at the moment Postarita is regrettably on small hiatus.