Stand Up

I like it when things are stable. I like being sure of what's going to happen day in and day out. But I like things crazy too. I like not knowing what's around the corner. I like the excitement of never knowing what will happen next. Today the House defeated a bill for a 700 billion dollar bailout for our nation's financial system. And now, even though that world is far away and disconnected from my world, I feel unstable. I feel like things might be out of balance for a while. And it scares me to think that supposedly the greatest, and most independent nation is going to let things go so unchecked. It worries me because it feels like the only good idea that George Bush has ever had in his entire residency in office has been thrown out. And this is coming from a guy who doesn't have a whole lot of great ideas. And if we can't trust our government to bail us out, or get us away from a bad situation who can we depend on?

And although this situation could lead us into a recession so deep that we end up in a depresion unseen by current generations of people, I feel like there is something more important here. Doesn't congress realize how this is affecting ME? I think they should be a little less selfish and think of me for a change. In fact I think as a nation we would be a whole lot better off if everyone just thought about my feelings for a change, Goddamnit. I will not stand for a world that doesn't think about me once in a while. I just hope that come November someone will stand up for change. That someone will stand up for what they believe in, and vote for what they think is right. I hope that someone does something right, for a change. I'm tired of living in uncertainty. But I am certain that it is time for something different.

I'm voting for Obama.


Also I was mostly kidding about America thinking of me once in a while, they should be thinking of me ALL OF THE TIME.

I Wrote This Two Years Ago (Can You Even Deal?)

I was restless, foot tapping, coffee sipping. I couldn't stop myself. I sat there with my dirty hair, and my wrinkled blue jeans. Porcelain coffee cup in my hand. It's delicate, with a blue flowered pattern along it's base. The coffee is hot, and I can feel it through the thin porcelain surface. I am restless, and am growing bored with my life. I take a sip, and it burns on the way down . I try to swallow and small tears form in the corners of my eyes either from the heat or something else that I'm trying not to think about right now. And through them I see something completely different.

A different world. A different life, in a different time. A world where well dressed people make polite conversation, whilst concealing their snide remarks. A Victorian age, when women wore petticoats and men had finely combed mustaches. A world where coffee was served every day at the same time. Where soft, buttery pastries were passed around on silver trays. The women gently fanning themselves in the Summer heat, the sunlight pouring through the windows and glinting off every surface. A slight sheen of sweat on their foreheads, their dewy skin looking less like porcelain with every unimaginably warm sip. Then men sit and talk about business, while the women talk about the men. And everyone is talking, and everyone is talking about everyone else. It's a dangerous world to live in I'd imagine. With just the wrong words spoken, reputations are ruined, fortunes are lost, families fall apart.

I feel like I'm getting farther away from it now. It's a world I don't belong in, and I know that. But it's not that much different from my own. With just a few wrong words, you can easily ruin a family. You can break the delicate bonds of friendship and trust with just a few slip ups. It doesn't take much for me at least. So I ruin my relationships like a badly worded bull in a china shop. And as I realize this, the porcelain cup falls from my hands and hits the floor. It shatters into a million little pieces. They sparkle, and glitter over the granite floors. They cling to my hands as I try to pick up the pieces. And I can't help it, and I can't change it. And I can't move to that world of polite conversation, and I can't say I'm sorry enough. Not because I don't know what to say, I've just run out of words. I have completely run out of words.

The Postarita List

I've been writing this for a while, adding something else to it every other day or so. But now I think it's done. I can't think of anything else I want to do or accomplish in my life. So, I give to you my Life List. I tried to make a list of things that weren't all that far out of reach that way if I don't do all of them, I can only blame myself.

See the Mona Lisa
Start going to church on a regular basis instead of only on holidays
Put my feet in every ocean
Spend a month in France
Attempt to relearn basic French
Adopt a child
Become a foster parent
See a Broadway musical
Meet Ms. Spears
Get into People magazine one way or another
Drink a latte from the original Starbucks
Visit a vineyard
Be the best man in someone’s wedding
Be a Godfather
Write a novel
Submit a piece to either GQ, Esquire, or Details
Have a dirty water hot dog in New York
Write a truly amazing song
Learn to play the guitar
Learn something beyond playing scales on the piano
To sing the national anthem at a sporting event, whether they want me to or not
Give a eulogy
Buy a really nice, vintage camera
Get married in a cathedral
Audition for a play
Read the Bible, no matter how much it bores me
Eventually get down to one cuss word a day, and even that in only dire circumstances.
Attend a masquerade ball
Be a chairman for a charity
Donate 10% of my salary to Aids and Cancer related charities
Donate blood on a regular basis
Finish school
Go to Mardi Gras in New Orleans
Move out of Louisiana
Go and visit Bryant at Northwestern before he moves away
Write a screenplay
Attend the Grammys
See Kathy Griffin live
Take a ballroom dancing class
Buy the perfect suit
Have a perfect Body Mass Index
Play “Dirty” by Christina Aguilera at my wedding reception
Have a daughter, name her Emma
Have a son, name him Gabriel
Have a life altering conversation with a complete stranger
Go back to Graceland, and this time take notes
Take a cooking class
Find a way to get into Pink’s cell phone
Join an adult choir when I feel like an actual adult
Do something completely irrational and out of character for once
Drink an entire bottle of champagne by myself
Have a cocktail with an old friend in an upscale bar in Manhattan
Own a loft apartment
Own a miniature Pomeranian named Brisket
Sing at someone else’s wedding
Have someone sing to me

If I accidentally happen to do one, I'll let you know.

It's Nothing But My Way

For the first time in a long time, I find myself being genuinely happy without much reason at all. And more so I find that this happiness isn't because of someone else. Maybe I'm finally starting to be happy with exactly who I am. And, I can't help but feeling that something good is coming just around the corner. And, for the first time in a long time I think that I'll be ready when it comes.

Home Sweet Lake Charles

I live in a small city. To be honest compared to the wide sprawling, concrete laden cities that most people are used to I live in a village. Compared to other places, we all live in huts and wipe our asses with tree bark. It's limiting, and sometimes stifling. I've always treated Lake Charles like the slutty stepsister I never had. She kicks you when you're down, she sleeps with your best friend. She passes out drunk under your bed and throws up in your favorite pair of shoes. But after being away for five days from EVACUATIONPALOoZA 2008, I feel differently about things. After spending so much time in a dirty city in Texas I've come to appreciate the subtle beauties in my hometown again. I've come to appreciate the balmy afternoons, and the pouring rain every twenty five minutes. I'd even go as far to say that as of right now I might be a little in love with Lake Charles. In fact, I want to open mouth kiss it with tongue. No even better, I want to take Lake Charles behind the middle school and get it pregnant. And I do mean that.