Sunday, April 20, 2008


I'm sorry that posts have been so scarce lately. I'm a bad person, I get it. Really, I do. But I've just been terribly busy attempting to complete some very important operations that are essential to my happiness. Operations, are as follows.

Operation: buy new Ipod (This one has been a roaring success. Or at least it had been until my male cousin came over and decided that what would be appropriate is to fill up that Ipod with free Internet porn. And some wonder why I don't generally associate with my family)

Operation: clean out my motherfucking car, has not been such a success. I have tried on several attempts, but with no victory. It's getting to the point in my backseat if you roll down the windows discarded McDonald's bags topple out of them. I'm sure the Louisiana Department of Litter thanks me, as does Al Gore.

Operation: Become Her Friend, is making steady progress. What you don't know about "Operation: Become Her Friend?" Well, you wouldn't would you? Because I haven't told anyone but Bryant, and he lives in fucking Guam, so he's not telling anyone.

Operation: Mentionitis is a side project of Operation: Become her friend. It is making small advances, but has recently come to a stand still. Must focus to make this one happen.

Operation: Find a Way to Turn My Hair Color Back To Brown, this one has been plaguing me for two weeks. Must find a solution, and soon.

Operations: Finish Reading "Stop Dressing Your Six Year Old Like A Skank!" by Celia Riverbark. Which is a hilarious book of short essays. You should pick it up, I got mine at Books a Million for under five dollars. What you don't have five dollars? Then I suggest you go to the sea wall, and start giving two dollar hand jobs to passerby. At that rate, you'll only have to do two and a half of them to afford it. And trust me it would be worth it.


Firefly said...

Weren't handjobs themselves once a form of currency?

Jordan said...

I'm sure it used to be, it's too bad it's not still. But if you think the lines at Walmart are bad now, and how long it takes for that old woman to write her check, just think how much longer you'd be waiting if she was servicing the checkout boy for her sack of potatoes and denture adhesive.

Kelli said...

Totally almost bought that book. Is it good?

Jordan said...

Um. Yes. It's hillarious actually, if you happen to come into town before trekking it up to Oregon, I'll give it to you.

You'd like it.