Thursday, March 31, 2011

40 Days of 4 Things, Day 17

I'm still writing my Tennessee post, and I know you're super excited about all of that.  I'm not quite done with it (when writing a large post, I actually like to take my time instead of churning it out like I normally do).  So instead I'm going to write a list.  I know that you haven't gotten nearly enough lists about myself, so you must be thrilled.

Four Things I wish I could do
1. Backflips
2.Pull off awesome guy stubble
3.That someone would put vending machines in the Mass Comm department.  This journalism major needs constant caffeine. 
4.  That I could finish anything I started.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011


I know that I keep writing more and more posts like this, but my giant Nashville post will come tomorrow.  It will be at least twelve paragraphs long, and at least the most amazing thing you've ever read.  So, just be patient, yeah?

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

40 Days of 4 Things, Day 16

Things happened.  THINGS HAPPENED EVERYWHERE! I will tell you all about them.  You will be really excited.  I will tell you tomorrow, initiative still happening!

Thursday, March 24, 2011

40 Days of 4 Things, Day 15

As I've mentioned an innumerable number of times, I'm leaving for Nashville tomorrow night for an SPJ convention.  I won't have access to a computer over the weekend so I won't be able to blog during that period, but to keep my promise I'm going to tack an extra three days on to the end (after Lent).  That is if what I assume will happen, doesn't.  I just assume that sometime over the course of the weekend I will be discovered and will soon be a country singer.  I'm almost positive it's going to happen, so I guess I'll let you know.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

40 Days of 4 Things, Day 14

I've tried blogging twice tonight, but neither of those posts stuck.  Again, even though I would like for every day's blog post to be substantial, meaningful, or maybe even have a couple of dick jokes.  Not every day has those kinds of moments that I can easily talk about.  So I'm not breaking my promise to myself by not writing every day, because I know that if I could I would.  I'll talk to you tomorrow.

40 Days of 4 Things, Day 13

There is a reason why people don't generally blog every single day.  ALL CONVERSATIONAL TOPICS HAVE BEEN EXPENDED.  Anything worth talking about has been talked about at least seventeen times.  So instead, I'll just thank my friend Firefly for bestowing upon me a blogger award.  Apparently I am now supposed to list seven facts about myself.

1. I do not eat anything that is white.  This rule mostly applies to mayonnaise, ranch dressing, and whipped cream.  It's not so much a color thing as it is a consistency problem.  Also every time I see someone eating one of those foodstuff it ends up on their mouths and it makes me want to die.
2. I have a completely random blond streak of hair.  It is natural, and no matter how often my hair gets cut it just keeps coming back. 
3. I am absolutely horrible at meeting new people.  I almost always say something incredibly offensive, which is fine with people who already know I'm an idiot, but doesn't exactly make a great first impression.
4. I have catchphrases such as, "What the What?!?', and "You're doing a bang up job".
5. I once read a nine hundred page book in under five hours.  It was my crowning achievement.
6. I once applied for a job as a boat captain, just to be funny.  Then they kept calling me to try to set up an interview, and I started to feel bad.  See?  Not all my bits are good.
7. I have been single for over five years (Oh my God, I am going to die alone).

Now I'm supposed to pass the award to seven other bloggers, but I think we all know that I'm the only blogger out there worthy of any kind of award.  (But in reality if you want to know which bloggers I think are awesome, check out my links.)

Monday, March 21, 2011

40 Days of 4 Things, Day 12

Instead of doing 4 Things today I'm going to pull a Kelli and do Cool Things/Uncool Things instead.  I hope she doesn't mind.

Cool Things
- the thirty nine episodes of Family Guy saved on my DVR
- this coupon I got from Gap that donated 5% of all of all of the profits from my purchases towards the charity of my choice, and also gave me 30% off
- skim vanilla latte's with splenda at Starbucks every morning
- Glee soundtracks
Their Eyes were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston which I'm reading for my English class and assumed I'd hate, but don't mind
- when something interesting happens in Lake Charles like this
- meeting people that I don't hate
- doing things that I don't normally do
- cinnamon raisin bagels/low fat cream cheese
- can I mention my trip to Nashville one more time?

Uncool Things
- not having time to read a non school related book since Christmas break
- incredible neck pain for seemingly no reason
- having to fill out a FAFSA every year
- that after I get back from Nashville, I won't be able to leave this shit hole until I leave for New York in June
- not being Jewish
- going to the gym and being on the elliptical machine next to the guy who could bench press twelve of me
- not having time to watch any of the movies I've had from Netflix for the past two weeks (Paranormal Activity 2, and Pulp Fiction)
- having to pee while attempting to write a blog post

Sunday, March 20, 2011

40 Days of 4 Things, Day 11

Today I woke up with the most inconvenient ailment

My neck hurts so badly.  I guess I must have slept on it wrong, but that still only makes sense if I was for some reason doing handstands in my sleep.  I'm not saying that I definitely wasn't trying out for the 2012 Olympics in my slumber, but that doesn't even make that much sense.  I don't think I've ever even wanted to be a Korean gymnast.

Yesterday was an amazing day

You know those kinds of days when everything is just amazing?  Those types of days where your favorite nineties songs like "Ride that Pony" by Ginuwine are on the radio, and everything you want to buy is on sale?  Yesterday was like that, but more than that.  For the first time I felt just honestly happy for a while.  Not just because I've been upset lately, just I feel like I've lost myself somewhere recently.  I really believe that you can't really be happy with others.  Not that you can't have a good time with friends or family, I just think that the only way you can truly be at peace is alone.  I'm at my happiest when alone in my car going about that day's travels, singing along to the radio, eating fast food, shouting obscenities at passerby, dancing with only the middle third of my body.  Yesterday seemed to be the perfect day for all for that.  I am thankful for it.

Yesterday I got to plan

I like to travel, but not nearly as much as I like thinking about traveling.  As you know, and are probably getting sick of hearing about at this point, I am going to Tennessee next weekend, which should be almost fun.  The part I really like about it is, the buying, and preparing, and the planning that leads u p to every trip I take.  I need to know every detail, every possible situation that could arise.  I just like being in control, so much that sometimes it gets in the way of the actual fun of the trip.  I'm okay with that though.

 People are being really awesome

I just wanted to thank my friends Kelli, and Luci who have been really supportive of my blog as of late.  Kelli by writing about it on her own blog, and Luci for sending me several amazing text messages.    You are both awesome.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

40 Days of 4 Things, Day 10

Four things I purchased today for my trip to Tennessee:
1. This Shirt from The Gap:

2. This shirt that is very similar to this one only in red and way more awesome, at The Gap

3.  this pair of Sperrys:


4.  These jeans from Old Navy:

Things I purchased (and then consumed) today:
1. One of these delicious rocky road cake pops at Starbucks

2.  A shrimp poboy that was very similiar to this one at Dairy Barn

3.  This Passion Fruit Tea Lemonade from Starbucks

4. At least seventy three of these (By the way I gave up, giving up on Cokes)

Thursday, March 17, 2011

40 Days of 4 Things, Day 9

I really do not have the energy at all to write anything right now.  So will you all forgive me for only being able to write four sentences tonight?  I realize that this is not exactly the agreement that I made with myself, but don't I deserve some leeway?  I've written more in the past week than I have in the past year, and I think that warrants some kind of free ticket, so goodnight; talk to you tomorrow.

40 Days of 4 Things, Day 8

Emotions are high this week

I am not able to reign myself in.  If I am singing, I am the loudest person who has ever sung.  If I am laughing, my laughter is more riotous than you could hope to stand.  If I am sad, I am the saddest person in the room.  I have never been good at keeping myself  in check.  I've just been so angry lately.  I fly off the handle, I lash out, I do all of the normal anger cliches.  I don't know why I'm so mad, I don't know how to stop being so endlessly angry.  Maybe I should take up meditation, or maybe a crystal meth habit, or anything that will divert my attention away from the fact that I am seething all of the time for seemingly no reason at all.  Writing is helping me a little, I like the reflection of it, I like the routine.  This exercise is becoming slightly cathartic. 

Today I was pretentious

I am taking an American Literature of the nineteenth century class as an elective this semester.  I really planned on liking it, I love reading, I love writing about the things I've read.   I just didn't plan on the class being so pretentious.  Everyone in that class other than my friend (Hey Luci!), is so overwrought and pretentious that it literally pains me to go to that class every Tuesday and Thursday.  I thought we'd be discussing literature, and I was hoping for something more easily digestible like To Kill a Mockingbird instead of ridiculous novels like The Custom of the Country by Edith Wharton.  It doesn't even appear to be a literature course as much as it is a discussion on penis theory.  Apparently every question that arises from reading any novel ever written, has an answer and that answer is penis.  The penis is everything and every where appearently.  If a woman doesn't love her son, it's because she has penis envy.  If an impotent man drinks heavily, or a vapid woman spends furiously, they are just compensating for their lack of a working penis.  Penis, penis, penis, phallus, penis.  All class period, that is the only matter on hand, and it is driving me crazy.

It goes without saying that I have to attempt to be as pretentious and ridiculous in every paper that I write for that class.  Our midterm is due tomorrow and it consist of three essays.l   I mentioned more things that I can't even begin to understand in those essays that I am literally ashamed.  As a prospective journalist I'm always trying to write the facts (and sometimes the embellished truths that appear on this website).  I'm not used to completely fabricated, and then trying to support those lies.  I hate it.

This week I've constantly hoped that it was Friday

I'm actually only saying that as an excuse to post this video of internet sensation Rebecca Black.  If you haven't head Rebecca's first single Friday, listen to it here.  It is the single greatest piece of musicry (which I'm well aware is not a word), that has ever been created.  My favorite lyrics include "Today is Friday, we we so excited".  Also there's a rapper who appears to be at least thirty years senior to Ms. Black, and I am assuming he is the man who molested her and has given her a decreased vision of her self worth, and made her think that this was a good career move.  Or maybe it's her dad.  Maybe it's her boyfriend dad.  I'm not sure, but it's unintentionally hysterical.

Also check out fake Bob Dylan's equally amazing cover:

Today I have been writing daily for seven days straight

That means I've written twenty eight distinct things!  I am awesome.  That is all.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

40 Days of 4 Things, Day 7

Remember yesterday when I said I loved that I made this commitment?  I was totally wrong about that.  It is true that I do love writing everyday, and I am fully determined to fulfill this goal for myself because I seldom finish anything I start.  But because of this commitment, I've remembered why I don't write everyday and that's because I don't have the time.  Right now I am studying for a Biology midterm, writing three essays for an English Literature midterm, and struggling with severe caffeine withdrawals (I gave up sodas yesterday).  But again, I made a promise to myself, and I intend to keep it.  So though, I wanted to write a detailed list of four very real things that are happening right now I am again relegated to writing a couple of lists of meaningless nothings.

Four things I am excited about right now
1. My trip to Tennessee which takes place in two weeks.
2. How I've managed to keep my perennially filthy car, clean for nearly three weeks.
3. The new credit card I got yesterday.
4. The fact that a month after my grandmother's death I'm finally starting to feel excitement again. 

Four things I am always excited about
1. The thought of J.K. Rowling one day deciding to write another book.
2. Finishing school and starting an adventure.
3. The thought that one day, hopefully, someone is going to think I'm awesome enough to marry.
4. The prospect of one day being the man I've always hoped I'd be.

Four things I was excited about in my youth
1. Driving (Which turned out to be a bust, if I could be driven around all day I absolutely would).
2. One day being old enough to do all of the things my parents forbid me from doing as a child, including but not limited to: watching The Simpsons (in actuality it sucks, so I don't blame them), eating Lunchables, and cussing up a shit storm.
3. Second base.
4. One day performing on a stage (I totally did this one)

Four things I am never excited about
1.  Hearing people sing off key, even when it's in a joking manner.
2. Seeing people whose faces I recognize, but names I don't remember.
3. Getting my haircut.
4. Meeting people who introduce themselves as musicians or artists.

Monday, March 14, 2011

40 Days of 4 Things, Day 6

I'm starting to actually like this initiative I've taken on.  In some ways it makes me feel so connected to my life.  I know that sounds ridiculous, but sometimes over the course of a couple of hours I've already forgotten the things I've done that day.  It's nice being able to sit for a moment and think about everything I said and everything that was said to me.  Speaking of things I've said, I've been thinking about all the ridiculous things I've said in my life.  Honestly now that I think about it, there wouldn't be enough room to write all of the offensive, over the top, ridiculous things I've said.  So instead here are the four most offensive and ridiculous things I've said this week:

To a girl I barely know who insisted on showing me pictures of her frankly hideous child:
Her: "He's so cute, isn't he cute?"
Me: "Yeah, he's cute"
Her: "Aww...thank you."
Me: "You actually made me say that."

To the manager of the store I work at when for some reason I didn't get paid for my sick day:
Him: "Sorry"
Me: "Yeah, well if I can't pay my meth dealer this week, it's really your fault."
(Sidebar: I've now heard a rumor that everyone has to submit to drug testing)

To a friend of mine talking about these hot dogs she ate at the Mardi Gras carnival:
Her: "Yeah, they're like famous for their foot long wieners"
Me: "So am I"
(This one's actually not offensive, it's just such a dude joke to make that I can't believe I said it.)

During my biology class that I share with the gayest person I know (also one of my best friends) of mine when we were talking about a group of children born in Haiti that are not born with one specific gender. And although I can't find anything on Google about it, apparently they are just treated as girls until they hit puberty when they may or may not become men:
Professor: "And when they hit puberty they sometimes begin to show signs of being male, and suddenly a penis emerges"
Me: "See (Son Tran)? There is hope that you might not be a woman after all."
(I should note that after this exchange he told me to "suck it")

Sunday, March 13, 2011

40 Days of 4 Things, Day 5

The four things I should be doing instead of blogging, but instead I am not doing so that I can keep this promise to myself.

1. Writing about the movements of realism, regionalism, naturalism, and modernism, in The Awakening, The Custom of the Country, or The Sun Also Rises; for my midterm.
2. Studying about cells and mitosis for my Biology midterm occurring in three days.
3. I should try to go to the gym because I'm suddenly very aware how fat I feel.
4. I should try to illegally download a copy of Rosetta Stone so that I might begin to learn German for my trip next year.

40 Days of 4 Things, Day 4

The point of my 4 Things series is that I am supposed to list four things that have happened to me over the course of the day, or the week, or the month.  Sadly, I would be hard pressed to think of four distinct things that happened to me today.  It was completely awful.  I ate Subway twice in one day.  I watched more than six hours of pointless television.  So instead of doing that, so as to keep up my promise to myself I will instead list things in four.  Maybe I'll even write four separate lists.  We'll see how it goes.

The four most played songs in my iTunes
1. Little Lies by Dave Barnes
2. I Wanna be your Lover by Prince
3. The One That Got Away by Katy Perry
4. Valerie by Amy Winehouse

The four most played songs from the new Britney Spears album Femme Fatale that leaked yesterday
1. Criminal by Britney Spears
2. Trouble For Me by Britney Spears
3. How I Roll by Britney Spears
4. I Wanna Go by Britney Spears

The four things I've been watching
1. The entire Indiana Jones series
2. Rewatching the first season of Big Love
3. Chelsea Lately/After Lately
4. Countless stand up specials on Comedy Central

The four things I've been meaning to read
1.  The last seven or eight issues of Men's Health, GQ, Details, and Popular Science that have accumulated on my desk.
2. Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs by Chuck Closterman
3. It's Kind of a Funny Story by Ned Vizzini
4. Tales of the Madman Underground by John Barnes

Friday, March 11, 2011

40 Days of 4 Things, Day 3

I knew that some days over the course of this experiment would be harder than others.  Not everything I do everyday is worth writing about.  I mean don't get me wrong, you'd be fascinated to hear it if I wrote about it, but I just don't think you need to hear about my daily trips to the grocery store, or how many cigarettes I smoke in a day (read: a lot).  You don't need to hear about where I go to lunch every day, or the intricacies of every conversation I have.  Though, there are some things I do every single day without fail.  I'm not saying that these things are interesting because they certainly are not for the most part.  Though, I've always been one for routine.  Here are the four things I do every day (or most days).

On weekdays I go to class

I know I'm probably not the only one who feels this way but I like the idea of going to school a whole lot more than the actual act of doing it.  I am not one for sitting still for hours at a time.  In fact it's killing me to sit still long enough to write this post.  I like to keep moving, to keep doing.  I do not like sitting and listening.  Though not all of my class are lectures, some of them are even worse, those conversation classes. I do not enjoy those classes where Dr. Professor KnowsTooMuch expects the entire class to join in.  I hate that idea.  If I wanted to be taught by someone other than the professor, I would have paid them instead of the university, thank you.  Though there are classes that I do enjoy, mostly the ones directly associated with my degree program.  I love my Mass Communication classes.  I like the group feeling of it all, taking most of my classes with the same group of people.  I like my professors, and actually feel like I'm friends with most of them even though I know that's weird.  Those classes remind me of high school  And though, for the most part I hated high school (I wasn't nearly as amazing back then) I like that feeling of familiar faces and shared mentality.  I also like school because I like being able to skip it. 

Some days I go to work

I always thought that at the age of twenty four I would have a more sophisticated career path than the one I am currently on.  Well, to be honest I never actually thought about having a job, but I knew it would be different than this.  I guess I thought I'd be done with school by now, but I should have known better.  I have never been the one to finish first, or blaze a trail.  I am not a fire starter, I am not the quickest.  I guess that's why at twenty four I work in retail at a well known drugstore.  I print people's naked pictures for a living.  I say that last sentence to be funny, but also because it's completely true.  I wish it were a little less bleak than this.  I just keep thinking that soon, in the looming near future I will have a job I can be proud of.  Or at the very least I'll have my own desk.  Or maybe I'll share a desk with someone else, I really don't know the specifics of office work.  Someday I will wear a suit, and maybe carry a briefcase.  I will have work contacts in my phone, and a favorite lunch place.  I just know that it will be good.  Or at the very least better than this.

I do things for myself everyday

I attempt to better myself a little bit more every day.  I might not be the smartest, or the most talented, or the nicest, but I like to play to my strengths.  I think I'm funny but want to be funnier so I make it my business to stay informed on pop culture and politics, so as to stay topical.  I like to sing, so I sing scales and runs in my car over and over again.  I like to cook so I watch far too many episodes of Barefoot Contessa and spend a ridiculous amount of money trying to cook like she does.  I like to be well read, so I read everything I come in contact with.  I spend a lot of time being selfish, doing things that only benefit me.  I know I should be contributing something to society instead of only trying to better myself.  I know I should volunteer more, or donate more.  But honestly, I've got a lot on my plate right now and just don't have that kind of time.  The malnourished and impoverished should be more sensitive to my feelings.

Everyday I live in a fantasy world

I know that everyone is prone to day dreaming.  I think I take it to a new level, an art form if you will.  I have a very active imagination, in fact it's all consuming.  I dream all day long, about nothing in particular really.  Sometimes I dream of things being better, brighter, more glamorous.  Sometimes I dream of things being the same but different.  I think of reversing decisions, I think of how things could have been different.  I dream of having my act together.  I dream of being renowned, respected.  I dream of being different than this.

40 Days of 4 Things, Day 2

This week things on TV have pissed me off

Let me preface this by saying that I usually don't watch a lot of television.  It's not that I think I'm too good for programming tailor made for the masses or anything, I just usually don't have time to devote to it.  In the past couple of  weeks all of that has changed and I find myself unable to pull myself away from it.  I still hate commercials apparently.  

Mostly in specific I hate this commercial for Hot Pockets smaller counterpart Side Shots.  First of all, I find it highly offensive when foodstuff is humanized.  As if I believe that these lumps of dough filled with undercooked meats and sauces can have human emotions.  Also, when you give a frozen delicacy a face, it makes me think of cannibalism, and I just can't condone that kind of behavior.

Also because it reminds me of Meat Cat who is way more awesome:

Has anyone else seen the trailer for "Hop" starring James Marsden and apparently the Easter Bunny?  First of all, no.  Absolutely not, this should not be happening.  First of all I believe I made it mandatory for all Holiday movies to stop after the "Santa Clause 2" premiered.  Second of all, do we really need an Easter movie other than "The Ten Commandments", even I'll admit I've never actually seen that one, but it seems to be very popular.  I do not need a cutesy animated movie where the protagonist has jelly beans for excrement.  I just don't.

Today I was supposed to meet a Buddhist monk

Today in my Intercultural Media class we were supposed to have a guest lecture by a Buddhist monk, and I was super excited about going.  I really was, and I almost never get excited about meeting spiritual leaders, or going to class period.  Sadly this morning I woke up feeling the worst I have in almost forever.  In fact, I'm still pretty certain that I am dying, or at least very close to dying.  So, I did not go to class, but instead because I make bad decisions I went out for sushi with some friends (to be fair the lecture was optional).  The sushi was amazing, but sadly did not help my illness.  I should have gone to class, I might have learned something.  I wanted to learn something.  On my quest for spiritual enlightenment (which is a quest I've just decided I've embarked on), it may have been helpful.  I know that Bhuddism is all about being present in your every day life, and living for the exact moment that you are breathing through right now.  That's a lesson I could stand to learn.

Today I missed my friend

My friend lives too far away.  There is not a day when I do not wish he still lived across the street so that I could go outside and talk mindlessly for hours with him.  That will more than likely never happen again, but it's comforting to think about.  It is hard to stay connected with someone when there's so much distance.  Life gets in the way, time gets in the way, priorities get in the way.  I don't always get to call, I don't always get to fly to Cleveland to see him.  Today our friendship felt a  lot closer to home because he found an interesting way for us to be able to feel like no space separates us.  I won't give too much away, but thank you Bryant for making my day a little more awesome.  You are better than a monk.

Today I did not do what I intended

Things I intended on doing, but for some reason or other did not
1.  Did not meet Bhuddist monk

2.  Did not start reading "As I lay dying" by Ernest Hemingway

3. Did not go to work

4. Did not go to the gym

Things I did instead:
1. Bought twenty dollars worth of raffle tickets

2. Bought fifteen dollars worth of fruit, including kiwis which I don't even like

3. Spent two hours mentally listing my favorite female celebrities in levels of attractiveness

4.  Illegally downloaded a seven hundred dollar program (InDesign) for school

I am not proud of myself.

Wednesday, March 09, 2011

40 Days of 4 Things, Day 1

Today, I decided to challenge myself

I am not a good Catholic.  I have not been to church since Christmas, and before that I couldn't even tell you the last time I had sat in a pew.  Today is Ash Wednesday, which I guess is about burning plants and spreading the ashes on your forehead.  I'm pretty sure that it symbolizes the baby Jesus parting the Red Sea and hanging out on a pirate ship with pairs of disciples for forty days.   Honestly I have no idea because I've never read the bible.  Although for my first communion my aunt gave me this really tiny blue one with my name engraved in gold on the front cover.  I would be lying if I said I didn't carry it around in my back pack for years afterward. I wish I had an excuse for not being open to that kind of spirituality, I just never have been.  The fact that I'm not is weird to me, because religion is just about believing in things you can't see.  I've always been the type to believe in almost anything.  I am nothing if I am not a dreamer. 

Three weeks ago someone amazing left my life.  She was the most devoted person I will ever know. To honor her, I would like to see what this religion business is all about.  I am going to start with Lent.  When, I was a child I was always told to give something up, and I did so halfheartedly until no one was looking.  I almost always went back on my word, and did whatever I had purportedly decided to abstain from.  So this year, I've decided not to give anything up, not to sacrifice for seemingly no reason.  My sister told me that she believes it's not about giving anything up in the first place, it's about doing something to better yourself.  And though there are many areas I could stand to improve in, there is only one thing that I'm interested in getting better at, and that is writing.  That's why with God as my witness I am going to post an entry of 4 things every day for 40 days in a row. 

I won't always write the posts like I usually do, when I detail four things that happened to me that particular week.  Because it will be daily, I will try to talk about what happened on that particular day, or maybe I won't at all and just tell you four things I've been thinking about, or four things that I find amusing.  I hope either way that you enjoy it.

Last Friday, I hit another car:

This is not the first time I've talked about this, in fact you might remember it from an earlier incident which I talked about here.  I am not the greatest driver.  Although I have never myself been responsible for an actual traffic related accident, I have hit several things (and I'm assuming people) while backing out (whether that be in parking lots or driveways).  It's not that I'm not paying attention, it's just that I have no attention in which to pay with. My mind is nearly a hundred percent of the time on myself, and almost never on the task at hand.  Sometimes I'm thinking about whether I should treat myself to a Great American Cookie Company tray of cookies (I wouldn't have to think about it if it were just one), sometimes I'm thinking about how fantastic my hair happens to look at that moment.  Though usually I am thinking about how much I need to pee.  I don't know why it is, but almost as soon as I put my car in reverse my urinary tract shrivels up to that of a much older person, and I am immediately scrambling to get to my next destination so that I can relieve myself. 

This is what I was thinking about last Friday while pulling out of my school's mass communications department, after my weekly SPJ (Society for Professional Journalist, which I am only spelling out because I'll mention it again later) meeting.  It was then, while thinking of toilets that supposedly I hit a lady's car.  The only reason I even knew this, was because she happened to be sitting in her car at the time studying (I'm assuming because she has no friends).  If it weren't for her violently throwing herself out of her car, and nearly jumping atop the hood of mine, while screaming at me, I probably wouldn't have even noticed.  And though after parking my car again, and getting out to assess the damage on both of our vehicles, I couldn't see what the fuss was all about.  Her car was the filthiest vehicle I have ever seen.  Now, I'm all about having a dirty car, on the inside where no one can see how disgusting you really are.  I have been known to drive around with entire bags of fast food, that I have completely forgotten to eat, along with the detritus that I accumulate on a daily basis.  But, the outside of my car would never lead you to believe that there's a meth addict driving it (like the inside of it would suggest).  Among all the dust, and dried splattered mud, and what appears to be the remnants of some sort of water fowl on her car, I couldn't tell where metal had met metal and created the catastrophe that she seemed to be so upset about.  But, against my better judgment I gave her my information and got the hell out of there.  I could tell you that she was rude about the whole thing, I could tell you that she wasn't wearing a bra and her over thirty student nipples were pointing at the ground during our entire conversation, but I won't.  Instead, I'll just tell you that she was a cunt, and I didn't much care for her.

This week, I decided to go on an adventure

After writing that heading, I realized that adventure is the wrong word.  Let's just assume that the "ad" in adventure is the fun part, and take that out and just leave venture.  That's right, I am going on a venture.  At the tail end of March I am accompanying my local chapter of SPJ (see, I told you it would come up again that's what you call relevance) on a trip to regional conference in Nashville Tennessee.   Though, I'm excited about being able to meet new people in my field, and hear some of the speakers talk about their experiences in journalism, I'm mostly going just to get away.  I need a break, a trip, a\n excuse to stop being Jordan for a couple of days.  And though, I'm going to have to endure a twelve hour van ride with fourteen other people (some of them fatties, and some of them who just annoy me), I am determined to have an amazing time.  And in spite of myself, I am really excited. 

This month I lost one of the good things

My Grandmother died three weeks ago.  I've lived with her for the past three years, but even before she was the one relative outside my parents and sister that I have always had a relationship with.  She has always been one of the best things about my life.  It's already been three weeks and I find myself still devastated.  I say that not in a melodramatic way, it's just the way I feel. I know that some people say that death is not an ending, but a beginning, and that always sounded like a bunch of ridiculousness to me, but now I get it.  I don't think of it the way that most people probably do in that they believe it means that it is just the beginning of a person's eternal life.  I think of it as a beginning, because for the people that are affected by it, it's like starting all over again without that person.  I now understand why they measure time as before and after death because that's all there is.  There is your life before that person died, and your life afterward.  Honestly, I'm having a hard time dealing with it. 

As I prefaced this post, I will repeat, I am not very religious, and the skeptic in me has always kept me from truly believing in anything, no matter how badly I'd like to.  I am now choosing to believe there is a heaven.  There has to be, right?  There has to be a place where all of the amazing people go.  This can't be it for her, it just can't be.  I can't live thinking that's all there is to her story.  I have to believe that she is somewhere, that she is everywhere.  Otherwise what is the point?  What's the point of living a good life, if there is no reward? I believe she is everywhere.  I miss her more and more every second.  So, Goodbye Anna Francis.  You were one of the good things.