Friday, August 29, 2008

Smaller Bites

I haven't been posting here a lot lately, because I haven't had any big stories to tell. But I do find that I've had a lot of small little snippets of stupid that don't really fit into a larger portrait of idiocy. Though, I'd still like to share them with you anyway just to get you through the day.

About a week ago, I broke my glasses and instead of going to the Eye Doctor because he's approximately four hundred years old and makes me nervous when he brings his arthritic hands near my eyeballs. Instead I took the lazy route, and just went out and bought the first pair I could find that that fit my current lenses. Now I'm stuck with a pair that very closely resemble Tina Fey's circa 1999. Also a little bit of Lisa Loeb. It's not a good look let me tell you.

I've recently spent a very confusing forty five minutes of my life looking for my Grandmother's teeth. Turns out she flushed them down the toilet. And although she very much tried to persuade me to take apart the toilet to retrieve them, I had to sadly explain to her that they were now far gone into the septic system. Now they're being shit upon by a turtle in some far away ditch. This kind of made me sad.

I have spent far too much time and energy reading articles on Wikipedia. If you know me even a little you'd know that I soak up pointless information just for fun. I revel in knowing completely inane trivia about movies, and actors and singers for absolutely no reason at all. I'll pretty much read anything if it's sits still long enough. I think this may be my one and only weakness.

I've been trying to pack for the upcoming HURRICANE EVACUATIONPALOOZA 2008. And I can't bring myself to focus for more than five minutes at a time. Every time I try to find an important paper, or a photo I get lost in the years of Jordan detritus that clutter my room. For instance I found my old Nintendo system and then I had to play it for two hours. I could barely control myself. And when I'm not busy playing 1980s video games I'm finding remnants of past friendships and people long gone. I'm finally realizing that you cant' always run away from these things. You can throw away pictures, and old letters, and birthday cards and gifts but there will always be something that remains. You can never truly do away with anything or anyone. It's sadmaking.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Possible Name Change

You know that if this hurricane Gustav does butt rape the Gulf Coast like it's promising, I might have to change the name of this site to PostaGustav. Just some food for thought.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Completely Unreleated Bigfoot Post 2

Me: I don't believe in lesbians I think they're an urban myth like bigfoot or that woman who took a dog home from Mexico only to bring it home and find out it was a rat.

Him: Of course there are real lesbians. What about (name omitted) or Rosie O' Donnell? She's a real lesbian.

Me: I think you're making a better case for a bigfoot than a lesbian there.

Bigfoot Post One

Has anyone heard about this bigfoot business? Apparently three men in Georgia have found what they believe to be one. More information can be found here. Call me skeptical, and maybe it's because I've just never believed in things such as this but don't you think that they just maybe found Rumer Willis Rosie O' Donnell Larry King insert your favorite ugly celebrity here?

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

It's Too Late To Apologize

My life is so boring right now that I have absolutely nothing to write about. So no new drama, no new funny. Sorry.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

We're Blessed and Hung Low Like Bernie Mac

Rest in Peace Bernie Mac.

Also, I know I'm going to hell for using a quote from a Christina Aguilera song as my title. Or if not hell, at the very least I'll be reincarnated as a red headed lesbian named Twizzler. And if that happens, I'll know that I earned it.

Monday, August 04, 2008

Hot Shit of the Month August 2008

Today I was thinking how long it has been since I've posted some of my favorite things, and that's a damn shame. i wouldn't want to deprive people of the things that I personally love. But since I haven't actually bought anything cool in quite some time, I'll just post a list of songs that I think personally you'll love. Think of it as a "Celebrity Playlist" on Itunes, only by me not a celebrity.

Josh Hoge_Stay Away

I don't know who this guy is, but this song is amazing. He has this guttural kind of falsetto that I would kill for. Just Play it once, and see if you can stop yourself from playing it nineteen hundred times in a row.

Lady GaGa_Just Dance

I discovered this song a few months ago, but it's just now picking up airplay. It is soon to be the song that I loved like "I Kissed A Girl" by Katy Perry before everyone started playing it, and talking about it nonstop. This is just as catchy as that one though, except with fewer lesbian references. Usually fewer lesbian references is a bad thing, but in this case I don't mind so much.

The Pipettes_Pull Shapes

I've got to be completely honest I have no fucking clue what this song is about, but I don't care. The Pipettes have this awesome retro feel to them. Whenever I listen to it, all I can imagine is a 1960's pool party, with awkward boy/girl dances around the pool and someones father grilling hot dogs on the barbecue. It's a good feeling.

The Saturdays_What Am I Gonna Do?

This is some random girl group from the U.K. I don't' really know much about them except for this song is oddly catchy to me. Check it out, and see for yourself.

Regina Spektor_Samson

I think I've probably put this song on one of my lists before but I just recently rediscovered it. It is so achingly beautiful, and soft. It makes me hurt in ways I can't explain. Gives me the same feelings that I get whenever I read "To Kill a Mockingbird" and "Looking for Alaska"

Gym Class Heroes_Cookie Jar

The best song about getting caught cheating since "It Wasn't Me" by Shaggy back in the nineties. I love hearing about people fucking around and getting caught.

Solange_I Decided

This song is by Beyonce's sister, who I believe held the title of assistant manager at Burger King before her sister pulled some strings and got her a record deal. Nonetheless, she comes off even more cocky and self assured than her older pussy slinging sister. I pretty much love it.

I will add links to download all of these as I find them.

Saturday, August 02, 2008

what the fuck is up with blogger?