Sunday, June 21, 2009

Colorado Part Two

To be honest there was more in Colorado than just aging hippies. There were young hippies too. This was mostly demonstrated in the city of Boulder Colorado which is a sleepy college town. I say sleepy because most of the people there can't pry their mouths off the end of their bongs to do anything too productive.

Although in all seriousness I saw some of the most ridiculous stuff in Boulder than I did on the rest of the trip. This ridiculousness includes an overweight twenty something college student dressed up as a jester and making balloon animals. Which wouldn't have been that bad because I'm sure there is a child somewhere who would actually be impressed by a dog made out of latex. But sadly for this child the jester kept accidentally popping his creations with his cigarette. He was a sad clown. I also saw a man playing the piano with his feet, which now that I think about isn't even all that interesting. For all I know maybe he had some kind of crippling disfiguring like Megan Fox and has toes for thumbs. I have no idea really.

By far the greatest thing I saw in Boulder was the exchange between a harmonica player, and a sleeping homeless man sitting on two benches facing opposite of each other. The exchange went something like this:

Harmonica Player: "Hey man, you play harmonica?"
Sleeping Homeless Man: "......"
Harmonica Player: "I play harmonica....and shit I make some good money."
Sleeping Homeless Man: "......"
Harmonica Player: "Man, I just play the way I feel....and I always feel sad."
Sleeping Homeless Man: "......"

I was actually eating at an outside table at a Cheesecake Factory when I witnessed this. I was laughing so hard, I could barely finish my weird ass chicken and pasta dish. Also side note: Why does the Cheesecake Factory have to be so god damned pretentious? They act as if they're curing cancer instead of stealing your money by selling you a slice of fourteen dollar cheesecake.

To be honest I shouldn't have been eating cheesecake in the first place because Colorado is known as one of the physically fittest states in America. It wasn't that hard to tell, seeing as how I saw droves of people everyday laden in spandex riding their bikes up a mountain. I can understand being active, God knows I've never liked it but I could see how someone might view it as beneficial. But why the mother fuck would you bike up a god damned mountain? Biking up a mountain is on my list of things I'd rather die than do right in between seeing my high school librarian naked, and Hugh Jackman as Wolverine clawing me in the nut sack. (I can't believe I just used the term nut sack.)

Also in that same category it was weird to me that Colorado had hardly any normal grocery stores. All they really had was a ton of "Whole Foods" which I've never actually shopped at but I'm assuming is really pretentious and gay. There's nothing wrong with eating organic I guess, I just can't say I'd ever decide to do it. Unless maybe they started making organic gummy bears, and Milky Way Midnight bars. I could get behind that maybe.

I was going to attempt to put all of this in two posts but it is getting out of control. The third installment will happen shortly.

1 comment:

Firefly said...

Whole Foods does have organic gummy bears. They also have these amazing green bean fry things. It looks like a green bean but tastes like a chip. I think it might be witchcraft but it is so good that I see no reason to question it.