Sunday, August 29, 2010


I just want to let you know that I wrote a post for week five of Four Things the other night.  I wrote three or four pages of what has happened to me in the past couple of weeks.  Sadly it was written when I was completely exhausted, and it makes little to no sense whatsoever.  So I am going back and editing the shit out of it.  So it should be up by tomorrow at the latest.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Four Things Week Four

From this week forward, you can call me Professor Gribble.

    The head of the journalism department, and my academic adviser recently asked me if I would be willing to assist her with the incoming Mass Communications majors by helping her teach the required Freshmen Foundations course.  I was almost immediately pretty excited about this proposal because I almost always get excited about anything I might have to buy new clothes for. In my mind all male teachers wear sweater vests and checkered bow ties, coupled with the kind of pants I believe are known as trousers.  I immediately begin pursuing J Crew's website, but sadly did not buy anything because one of my forthcoming bullet points.

     But anyways, I am terribly excited about her offer because I think it's about time that someone has noticed that I deserve to be in a position of power and influence over malleable minds.  It's time that I begin to imprint my great fountain of knowledge on the youth of Louisiana.  Actually my teacher made it pretty clear that I would not be teaching the class in any capacity because apparently I'm not qualified.  Whatever, I'm pretty sure that I will be the sole instructor of the  class.  I believe that I'll get to assign homework, and to make tests. I believe that I'll finally be in a position where I can be sued for the sexual harassment of a student.  Sadly, none of this is the case though, as my professor mostly insinuated that I would be responsible for helping the students and answering questions about he workings of the University.  I would also be responsible for helping with the grading, and posting assignments and such on Blackboard.  That mostly sounds really boring, and something I wouldn't even be good at because I am prone to large stretches of ineptitude and indifference on almost every subject.

This week I hit the poverty line.

     I have been broke as a joke for the past two weeks.  I'd like to say because I was suffering silently after working hard and being able to pay all of my bills.  I wish I had spent my money on bills because then at least I'd know what the hell happened to it.  Sadly, I don't even have any bills.  None, I have no financial responsibilities whatsoever.  I never have, yet I have never been able to hold on to twenty dollars for more than an hour.   A lot of people say that you need money to make money, and I wish I could say I was taking all of the money I make and am turning it into some kind of money-spinning venture that will leave me flush with cash.   That is not the case in the slightest.  See, I don't know if you know this about me or not but I kind of have a shopping problem.  I don't mean that in a way that says I am materialistic or that I need the newest, hottest every things.  I don't really care about that kind of stuff to be honest.  I just have a problem in which if I see something and like it, I have to have it.  I cannot handle not owning it, and holding it, and taking it home.  If I see a shirt I like, I'll buy it in five colors.  If I want a candy bar, I'll buy five of them, and end up throwing three of them away.  I have a sick, sick addiction.  I blame my Grandmother.

     When my Grandmother was alive, she was the most generous woman I had ever known.  Generosity didn't come hard for her, as I believe her DNA strands were made out of hundred dollar bills.  She came from money, she had always had money, she shared her money with the people she loved.  She lived over six hours away, so when I did get to see her she'd celebrate my birthdays and Christmases and Chinese New Years by bringing me to the mall and telling me to buy what I wanted.  She never asked why I wanted a particular something, she never questioned my selections she would always just tell me to "wear it well", and handed over her credit card. I don't want you to assume that I had my hands outstretched waiting for her charitable donations, because that wasn't the case.  Though, having her around got me used to getting what I want.

    Honestly she probably had nothing to do whatsoever with my complete inability to stick to any kind of budget.  I mostly just wanted to talk about her.  I guess the moral of the story is that I can't be trusted with money.  I will absolutely blow it, waste it, give it away.  I may never grow up.

This week I have liked some things.


This week I was not a fire starter, nor a firefighter.

    I did not set the world on fire this week.  In fact if the world had been on fire I believe I would have feebly tried to put it out by peeing on it, and then have given up half way.   I then would have ignored the screams of the third degree burn victims and gotten back to my regularly scheduled nothing.   I think it's pretty clear that I tried to avoid doing anything at all this week.  I would have had nothing to write about if things just hadn't fallen into my lap.  I didn't actually do anything if you haven't noticed from the first three entries.  All of the things that did happen to me came from complete lack of participation on my part.  I didn't go after a mentor ship position, I was offered one.  I did not worry about budgetary concerns therefore I am broke.  See?  I did absolutely nothing this week.  Things just happened to me with no work or forethought whatsoever.  I wish I had been more productive, but in all honesty I'm not sure I'm ready for kids. 

Things that will have happened to me next week:
I will have seen my best friend who is coming in for a few days.
I will have gone to a training meeting for the mentor ship program.
I will have gone to rehab for drug and twizzler abuse.
I will have attempted to not be so useless.

Sunday, August 01, 2010


    You probably remember a couple of months ago I said that I was going to start scouring the newspapers for articles from every possible section, and give my own thoughts on the stories from within.  I planned to do this to familiarize myself with all of the sections and maybe to acquire an interest for news, so that one day I may be better equipped to write it.  The last time I thought about it was in March when I posted this post ont he dangers of bedbugs, and haven't thought of it again until now.  I wasn't wrong, it's not a bad idea, so I am going to attempt to do it, only this time actually do it.  One section at a time I am going to get to know each section of the newspaper. I've decided that just like the first post I wrote I will get my articles from The New York Times, because my local paper cannot be trusted for anything that is not about a hurricane that happened nearly six years ago. 

     I've said it before, but I absolutely hate reading the news.  Sure, it's informative, and sometimes interesting, but it's always written in such a cut and dry way that I can't stomach it.  I prefer a little more magic in the things I read. So I will be trying to find the lesast painful articles to report on as possible. Today I read a piece from the World section entitled "Indonesia Finds Banning Pornography Is Difficult" by Aubrey Belford.  I picked this piece because it was the only one that had "pornography" in it's title.  The short of the article is that Indonesia's information minister Tifatul Sembiring has mandated that Internet Service Providers in the region will have to somehow prevent their subscribers from being able to access pornography by August 11th, 2010 which is the beginning of the Muslim fasting month known as Ramadan.  Internet service providers are finding this task to be insurmountable.  Apparently there is no quick and easy way to get rid of millions of porn sites from all over the world that are popping up as quickly as blue balls will be if Sembiring has his way.

   I could start off by saying that I think the whole idea of blocking porn from the people of Indonesia is ludicrous, but who cares what I think?  Clearly they believe that the viewing of pornography is somehow dirty or wrong, and I am not going to belittle their belief system.  Though I have no qualms about saying how ridiculous the notion is.  I'm just wondering what the death rate of porn is in Indonesia.  Can anyone find me some facts and figures on how many people in Indonesia have died in the last ten years due to porn?  Maybe there's something I don't know, maybe Indonesia has some kind of porn that induces some kind of crazy seizure, where immediately after seeing it a man goes and sacrifices a virgin in the middle of the street in the name of Dick Cheney.  I have no idea what they do in Indonesia, I don't even know where Indonesia is located.  All I know is that you can't stop porn.

     I don't want you to think that I'm some some porn crusader.  I am not fighting for the rights of porn, in fact I do believe that porn is too easily found by those who aren't even looking for it.  It comes into the hands of people who should never be allowed access to it; sex offenders, children, Mel Gibson.  Maybe it's just me, but I swear porn somehow manages to find me even though I'm not looking for it.  I get at least ten messages a month through Facebook from random spam accounts with a slutty girl picture and an invite to chat in exchange for cash.  The country of Indonesia isn't wrong, maybe something should be done.  Porn shouldn't be so easy to find, it should be restricted.  Attempting to get rid of it completely, however is a fools errand.   The people of Indonesia (or Indonesians, or Indonesianites) are just trying to get their rocks off.  What's so wrong with that?