Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Feliz Navidad To You Too, Bucko.

Did I mention to you that I'm a server? Well, a waiter. Not that I wait on people that much, most of the people I know are quite punctual, except for Son Tran, but that is another story all together. Anyways the other day I was serving right? And I got this table, and of course because God thinks that my life should be as much like a bad sitcom has humanly possible I got the only table that doesn't speak a word of English. Now I'm not saying that I have anything against all non English speaking people or anything, because I totally don't. Anyways long story short I ended up having to play a great long game of mime with him to figure out what it was that he actually wanted, I also played a small game of pictionary where I pointed at a drawing of a burger, and inquired the toppings that he wanted on his sandwich. The entire time this exchange was going on, in my head I could hear myself saying "Jordan, you better be nice to him because somewhere in his jacket he's totally hiding a camera to show the complete and utter injustices that non-English speaking people are faced with daily, and you will be in the center of a national debate on Entertainment Tonight if you are rude to him."

So, I was nice as possible. I really am quite a nice person actually when I want to be. You should get to know me, I'm quite amazing really. Anyways, he finally was able to kind of sort of order, and I later gave him his food. Not too long after he finished eating his chicken sandwich and his double chocolate shake I brought him the bill, hoping beyond hope that he at least new American currency. Which he thankfully did. He gave me exact change, and here is the meat of my story. The bastard didn't tip! Did I not just spend fifteen minutes expressedly trying to understand you? I mean come on, it's not like you're the easiest table I've ever had or anything. I mean, come on you're in America now. And in America it's fifteen percent or get the fuck out of the restaurant.

Or at least that's how it is in my America.

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