Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Dear Old Navy,

I would like to say that I have been a patron of your stores for years. I love your khaki pants, and your sweaters, there was once a time where I even loved your graphic tees. Sometimes I can look through old photographs of myself and pick out every article of my clothing from you're past catalogues. And although my tastes in clothing has changed as of recently to more mature and sophisticated wares than what you're fine store offers I still visit once in a while.

In fact I did very recently with my sister. I bought a pair of khaki pants, that I'm still quite fond of. I even purchased this shirt in "Dark Sea Blue Stripe" and plan on coming back for the white one. So if I grace your store with my presence so often, why am I writing you, one might ask? Well the other day when I was in your store, I suddenly had an urge to urinate. Not on one of your graphic tees, but in the restroom. Be it to my surprise when I walked into the men's room and took at a look at the urinal to relieve myself I noticed something odd.

Why is it that there are shit stains in the urinal? Is this some Old Navy secret that I am not privy to? Is it like an unspoken code that all employees must shit in the urinals so as not to tie up the toilets? I just don't get it. It's not like it's a normal thing for a guy to pull down his pants and sit down backwards over the urinal and lay a big dump. I just don't understand is it something in the air at Old Navy that causes guys to as they are shopping for that perfect pair of carpenter jeans to suddenly have a weakening in their bowels? Does it make it so that the only thing they can do is to rush headfirst into the Men's room and shit on the nearest porcelain object they come across? Well whatever it is you need to change it and fast.

I can simply not shop under these conditions. I cannot pick up a pair of boxers and wonder if they're are shit stains in the urinal. I just cannot, especially when your boxers cost eight fifty a piece. Eight dollars and fifty cents is simply too much to pay when there are shit stains in the urinals. I can't look the check out girl in the eye, when I know that they're are shit stains in the urinals. Because she knows that I know, and I know that she knows, and we all know that no one is doing anything about the shit stains in the urinals. How can I even be expected to finish this letter when I know that if I went to Old Navy right now there would more than likely be shit stains in the urinals? How can any of us live in this world knowing that there are shit stains in the urinals at any Old Navy in this world? I hope you can clear this problem up, or at least post banners around the store to let us know why it's happening, that would be greatly appreciated.

P.S. Could you possibly try to make more flip flops in a size thirteen? That would be of much help for me. Thanks.

Your Friend, Jordan

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