I am outraged:

I am ninteen years of age, which means I should be having sex filled nights of debauchery. Doesn't it? I'm pretty sure that it does. Well you want to know what my wild Friday night consisted of? I went to a bar for the first time, and instead of getting liqoured up and going home with a complete stranger, I sat at a table in the very, very, very back with an Asian. The "craziest" thing we did was request "I'm A Slave 4 U" on the jukebox, in a room filled with drunk men. So instead of getting slammered (Said Asian's word, not mine) we left and proceeded to go get chicken tenders. Wow. I'm wild.